Managing Yourself

Why do we seek to manage ourselves? What are the goals one expects  to gain from self  discipline? Without trying to be to lofty, these are the  two key questions to ask yourself.  Next would come  the work of looking at the strengths you believe you possess vs the ones you actually possess, rather than weaknesses.  Peter Drucker's "Managing Oneself"in the Harvard Business review, 1/2005 page 100-109 also speaks to the values and ethics one holds.  

Taking this a step further I believe, successful self-management comes from treating ones self the way we would want a "good parent" to treat us, with rewards and corrections appropriate to the behavior at hand.  This means regardless your history, you now have the opportunity and the ability to "change the tapes" to a more positive inner self dialogue for change.  

We can start this by looking at how we view others, whether we consider them at all.  Then looking at how we want others to treat us we  can begin to treat those we come in to contact a little more graciously.  Helping co-workers solve problems, being a little more patient waiting for someone to understand what we mean when we are giving instructions, being less demanding of the waiter at the restaurant.  It is just as important for the boss to communicate effectively as it is for the subordinate to be productive.  This breakdown often causes undue anxiety, and stress and repeated workload in the subordinate.

The same rules apply at home, communication breakdowns are the primary reason couples come in to see me.  Effective listening and speaking are learned tools and require respecting the time and efforts of the other party involved.  Listening to the simple request for more time together is so often missed by underlying anger and frustration of years of not having been listened to; or ones over involvement with work. 

So in managing yourself, you need to be fully responsible for the effectiveness in your presence of mind in all of your other relationships as well.   We do not live in a vacuum, and are innately social beings that require the affections and acknowledgement of others, as do those around us.  

As always I hope you found tho informative and helpful. Feel free to contact mr for a consultation.

Al the Best,

Dr Kevin