Holidays are a time of high emotion, powered not only by nostalgia but unrealized expectations that can leave us feeling unfulfilled. If you are feeling frazzled, consider making time for yourself. Doing so can be an effective way to avoid getting caught up in the folly of the overstressed gift exchanges, and social media displays of status and achievement. It may be completely out of character for you to take time out for yourself but you will feel less exhausted and more present at the events you do attend. So, give it a try: grab a hot chocolate and rest your feet, catch up on a phone call, or something else that helps you feel that you are re-energizing yourself.
Going into the family gathering with the expectation that relatives will be on their best behavior can be a set up for disappointment. Remember that friends and family will not be any different, and you will be in a much better mind set. Arrive prepared for this and you won't get "plugged in" to their incipient behavior. You'll get along with Uncle Fred and his excessive drinking and bombastic stories, and accept them for what they are and from whom they are coming. You will have survived a holiday gathering unscathed and with little emotional cost to yourself or your ego.
Not sweating the small stuff goes a long way when it comes to family and work especially during the holidays. Generally during the holidays, family and folks are so caught up in their own folly that rarely do they take the needs of others into consideration. People will let us down at times, but when we apply these life lessons about not sweating the small stuff, we realize it is rarely with any real malfeasance or malice.
This major attitude adjustment does take practice, so be patient and start with yourself. For instance Uncle Fred is drunk again, is he your responsibility personally? NO. Is he the family's responsibility? Maybe. Or is he responsible for himself? Yes. Uncle Fred, his partner and the rest of the family may need to discuss the emotional costs of his drinking, and the benefits of seeking help. If they are unwilling to, you may wish to discuss this with your therapist so you can learn to let Fred live his own life as he chooses until he decides he wants to change it. You may decide that it's most constructive to limit your contact with your your uncle for the time being.
This major attitude adjustment does take practice, so be patient and start with yourself. For instance Uncle Fred is drunk again, is he your responsibility personally? NO. Is he the family's responsibility? Maybe. Or is he responsible for himself? Yes. Uncle Fred, his partner and the rest of the family may need to discuss the emotional costs of his drinking, and the benefits of seeking help. If they are unwilling to, you may wish to discuss this with your therapist so you can learn to let Fred live his own life as he chooses until he decides he wants to change it. You may decide that it's most constructive to limit your contact with your your uncle for the time being.
As always I hope you found this helpful and informative, Feel free to call on me for a consultation.
All the Best,
Dr Kevin.
No comments:
Post a Comment